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Finally moved out of our beloved apartment. Sad day, but it feels good to take such a huge step towards leaving for Europe.

Yesterday, I had a chance to talk to Brian Kershisnik, the artist whose lecture contained the namesake for my project (he said, "If you want to be a great painter, hurry up and make your first 500 bad paintings", hence my project name, "500 Bad Paintings"). I told him about his influence and it was exciting to talk about process. He said it doesn't work for everyone, we talked about some things it has done for him and will hopefully do for me:

-It takes the thinking out of every single step. Before this, I started getting way too careful with each step of a painting. I spent most of the time with each painting, staring at it until I could think of the next thing. You can't think so hard about each one and it allows the intuition to free itself.
-Not everything will be good, but some things will be really good. You can't know ahead of time what those things are, but amidst all the bad working itself out, great stuff happens. You have to do the work.

-There is a difference between the thinking that happens while I am moving my hands and the thinking that is without. This is not limited to painting, but applies to anything else: cleaning, building, organizing. My thinking when I am moving my hands tends to be more clear and relevant to what I am doing. Without moving my hands, my thoughts are fleeting, circular, and its hard to know whether to take myself seriously sometimes. Writing on the computer is sometimes harder for me because my thoughts go faster and I end up with more crap to sort through. If I write things out, it forces my mind to compartmentalize and organize better.

-After 500 paintings, I will have come to at least some conclusion in finding my voice. Sometimes I feel weird because many people around me seem to have found their mediums, their voices, their niches, and I don't feel so confident. Its weird when people ask me to describe what style of painting I do, or what type of art I make, because I don't know what to say. Sometimes, it seems like everyone else seems to know more about me and what I am about than I do. Even with this project, I am afraid that if I find something to latch onto, I won't ever let go. It would be boring if I only painted one way my whole life. Nevertheless, I seem to be going through some identity crisis (maybe crisis is a strong word, but I think I can accept that I am a late bloomer...)

Ok, cry about it, right? I am not actually all sad and depressed. I am having a lot of fun, probably way more fun than I am probably supposed to be having! I'll have you know that I painted my favorite painting so far today. I am a little behind my goal of having 100 finished by the end of the semester (I should have 50 done this weekend), but most of them are so delightfully bad, its awesome.